It appears that the big news this week is that Target has decided to make their restrooms gender neutral. Many people are happy about this. Many are appauled byt it and now refusing to shop at Target. Watching all this has made me realize how messed up our country is. I've heard many people talking about it and posting about it and how they will not be shopping at Target anymore.
Here's the thing. I like Target. I like the idea of standing up for what you believe in. I don't like the idea of people acting like they can no longer associate with someone that believes differently than them. Do I agree with Target's choice? No, not really. Will I need to be more cautious and not let my kids wander into the bathrooms alone? I already shouldn't be doing that... There are creepers everywhere even if this does make it easier. The fact is, I don't think "Target" is doing this to punish everyone who has a little girl they are now concerned for. I actually think they are doing it because they genuinely believe it's the right thing to do. I actually kind of respect that they are sticking to it despite the kick back and financial toll it may take on their company. We live in a wonderful and free country where people can have different opinions and even voice them and they shouldn't be punished for thinking differently. This is happening on both sides and quite frankly it needs to stop. People refuse to see movies because an actor is in it who they disagree with. People refuse to go to Chick-fil-a because they don't agree with their stance on gay marriage. It's all a bunch of hoopla. Let's not stoop to that level. Maybe lets try a little harder to respect others and their opinions and try to have a little understanding of how they got to that point.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Rollercoaster
Well, my summer hasn't quite turned out how I planned.
I started out this summer really ambitious and ready to take over the world. I woke up every morning at 6:00 to go running. I wanted to train for something big and finally lose that extra baby weight before my 30th birthday (which happens to be next week). Then something a bit unexpected happened....
On June 9th I finally decided I had better take a pregnancy test just to rule it out since my period was two weeks late. To my complete shock and surprise, it was positive. I can't even really describe the emotions that hit. I was shocked. I was stressed. You see... my toddler and other two busy school aged kids already pretty much run me to the ground. I had just finally lost over 10 pounds so I felt guilty and selfish for being disappointed that I would have to gain that back. I felt scared because I didn't want to be that sick again. It just didn't feel right or exciting like I anticipated it too. I was already about 6 weeks at this poing based off my LMP, but I couldn't decide what doctor to go see so I waited about a week before I called and made an appointment. They actually got me in that day. I am considered high risk because of my diabetes. They decided to do a viability ultrasound that day and found that I was only measuring at 5 weeks instead of 7, which is too early to see a heart beat. While this is not unusual, it is for me and I knew already that there was something wrong. They had me come back in a week. The next week it measured more than a week bigger but still there was no heartbeat. Because it was still possibly to early to tell, they told me to come back in a week.... again. By this point I am now nauseated and tired and having headaches and dizzy and all the fun things taht come with pregnancy.
The next week the sack still only measured about 6 weeks but initially the tech said there was a heart beat. Then upon taking a closer look she determined that there was blood flow to the yolk sac but not to the fetus. They again asked that I come back in a week. I actually returned 3 days later.
Three days later the tech felt that she saw a "flicker" but there was still no heart beat and the sack had not grown at all. Yet AGAIN they asked that I come back in a week. I'm not going to lie, I was pretty frustrated at this point. I asked how long it would take before I could just have a clear answer.
I am now supposed to be over 10 week and still don't have an answer. I did bloodwork Thursday and Monday and I am supposed to go back in tomorrow morning for ANOTHER ultrasound. I am REALLY hoping they can give me some answers and help me move on with my life. This has been hard. I have learned a lot, but it has not been easy. Being sick when you are pregnant is so much more doable when you know you are creating a perfect little life in you. It's a whole nother story when you know it is all for nothing. It's frustrating. Because I've known for some time that I will lose this baby I have told very few people. It's an awkward conversation to be like "Oh yeah I'm pregnant.... but I'm just waiting to finally miscarry." Or "I've been really sick because I'm pregnant, but only until this thing that is not alive in me passes". I'm just not really sure how to explain it.
Anyway... Here is to hoping for answers and a clearer future. Through all of this one thing I have realized is how incredibly grateful I am for my three healthy beautiful babies that I have. I truly could not ask for more.
I started out this summer really ambitious and ready to take over the world. I woke up every morning at 6:00 to go running. I wanted to train for something big and finally lose that extra baby weight before my 30th birthday (which happens to be next week). Then something a bit unexpected happened....
On June 9th I finally decided I had better take a pregnancy test just to rule it out since my period was two weeks late. To my complete shock and surprise, it was positive. I can't even really describe the emotions that hit. I was shocked. I was stressed. You see... my toddler and other two busy school aged kids already pretty much run me to the ground. I had just finally lost over 10 pounds so I felt guilty and selfish for being disappointed that I would have to gain that back. I felt scared because I didn't want to be that sick again. It just didn't feel right or exciting like I anticipated it too. I was already about 6 weeks at this poing based off my LMP, but I couldn't decide what doctor to go see so I waited about a week before I called and made an appointment. They actually got me in that day. I am considered high risk because of my diabetes. They decided to do a viability ultrasound that day and found that I was only measuring at 5 weeks instead of 7, which is too early to see a heart beat. While this is not unusual, it is for me and I knew already that there was something wrong. They had me come back in a week. The next week it measured more than a week bigger but still there was no heartbeat. Because it was still possibly to early to tell, they told me to come back in a week.... again. By this point I am now nauseated and tired and having headaches and dizzy and all the fun things taht come with pregnancy.
The next week the sack still only measured about 6 weeks but initially the tech said there was a heart beat. Then upon taking a closer look she determined that there was blood flow to the yolk sac but not to the fetus. They again asked that I come back in a week. I actually returned 3 days later.
Three days later the tech felt that she saw a "flicker" but there was still no heart beat and the sack had not grown at all. Yet AGAIN they asked that I come back in a week. I'm not going to lie, I was pretty frustrated at this point. I asked how long it would take before I could just have a clear answer.
I am now supposed to be over 10 week and still don't have an answer. I did bloodwork Thursday and Monday and I am supposed to go back in tomorrow morning for ANOTHER ultrasound. I am REALLY hoping they can give me some answers and help me move on with my life. This has been hard. I have learned a lot, but it has not been easy. Being sick when you are pregnant is so much more doable when you know you are creating a perfect little life in you. It's a whole nother story when you know it is all for nothing. It's frustrating. Because I've known for some time that I will lose this baby I have told very few people. It's an awkward conversation to be like "Oh yeah I'm pregnant.... but I'm just waiting to finally miscarry." Or "I've been really sick because I'm pregnant, but only until this thing that is not alive in me passes". I'm just not really sure how to explain it.
Anyway... Here is to hoping for answers and a clearer future. Through all of this one thing I have realized is how incredibly grateful I am for my three healthy beautiful babies that I have. I truly could not ask for more.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
World Diabetes Day
Well, tomorrow Novermber 14th is World Diabetes Day. You know, I haven't given much thought to this day much in the past. But let's face it... diabetes is in my thoughts EVERY SINGLE DAY.
It was 18 years ago this month that my mom took me to the doctor. His name was Dr. Valentine. I always thought that was a funny name when I was a kid. My mom was worried because I was peeing all the time. Seriously, they took me to Disneyland and I had to stop at every bathroom. I would come home from school starving and down a bowl or two of ice cream, but I was losing weight. SO... she made me an appointment. She told the doctor her concerns and he reassured her that I was probably just fine and looked like a normal skinny 11 year old, but he would test my blood sugar anyway to make her feel better. Looking back at my school pictures that year, my typically full cheeks looked sunken in and my bones were popping out like no other time in my life. I weighed 61 pounds. Later that night my mom got a phone call from the doctor. She left the room to talk to him and then handed the phone to me. I could see her crying which scared me. The doctor explained to me that my blood tests came back showing I had Juvenile Diabetes (aka type 1 diabetes) and I would need to go to Primary Children's Hospital first thing in the morning. I really didn't know what this meant but I said okay. We were all scared, but we spent the night playing games as a family and enjoying the time we had all knowing our life was about to change one way or another.
My time at the children's hospital involved a lot of education. I learned how to give myself shots. I learned how to test my blood. The nurses would come into my room multiple times a night to test my blood sugar. They had to feel a small tube of blood back then so would squeeze my finger until it went completely numb.
I knew my life had changed, but I was okay with that. I knew I could handle it and I would. Really I had no other choice so figured why not make the best of it. On a side note, once starting insulin I got back up to a healthy weight up 90lbs!
Getting diabetes has very much formed who I am today. I have worked very hard to manage my diabetes well, knowing my whole life that I wanted to be a mom and knew I needed to stay healthy so I could be. I started running when I was young. Partly because I knew it would be good for my health, partly because I was determined to prove that my diabetes would not stop me from doing anything. I ran cross country and track all through high school and college. I like to think it hasn't stopped me from doing anything.
I learned quickly that I wanted to help others, especially with circumstances similar to my own. I loved my doctors and nurses who truly knew what it was like to have diabetes. They had a different touch to their care. I wanted to be like them. I started working long ago towards becoming a diabetes educator. While I'm yet to be certified (you have to have 1000 hours before you can take the test), this last year I finally landed my first job working as a diabetes educator :).
Most the time my diabetes is just part of my daily life and I don't think much of it. Sometimes I think how much easier life would be without it. Some days are really hard. Not just for me, but also for my family. They have to put up with the high's and low's just like I do. They also deal with the financial burden. My mother used to put some much time and energy into planning my meals and counting the carbohydrates for me. She was always prepared and had to save me a couple times from some dangerously low blood sugars. I'm so very blessed though. Not once have I heard my parents, siblings, or my husband complain.
Most people have no idea what is actually involved when caring for diabetes. It involves A LOT of calculations and adjustments and planning. LOW blood sugars are dangerous... it alters your mental level so driving or anything else involving concentration is not safe. If it's not treated with a snack, it could be fatal. HIGH blood sugars can lead to devastating long term effects. Pregnancy is stressful because high blood sugars create all kinds of risk factors for your unborn child. High blood sugars (long term) lead to kidney disease, retinopathy, nerve damage, heart disease... the list goes on. High blood sugars short term if untreated can lead to a coma, brain damage, and can be fatal. Everything effects your blood sugar. Not just what you eat, although that definitely does. You have to count every carbohydrate you eat and take insulin for it, but that doesn't always work. Sometimes your pump site starts going bad, so you don't get all the insulin you think you do. Sometimes insulin works faster and more effectively depending on WHERE you inject it. The timing of when you eat effects your blood sugar. Stress makes your blood sugar rise. Exercise lowers your blood sugar. Want to walk to the neighbors house? Sure, but you'd better pack a snack! Some exercise, like lifting weights and sprinting, can raise your blood sugar. Fatty foods, like pizza, can raise your blood sugar for hours. The list goes on but I'm sure you get the point. It's complicated.
I'm not writing this because I want sympathy, because truly I do not. I'm very grateful for all aspects of my life and everything I have learned. What I do want is for people to UNDERSTAND the disease. I want the stigma gone. I'm tired of the statistics. I don't like hearing "oh they are just a non-compliant diabetic". There are so many reasons why diabetics might appear "non compliant". Some people just really have a hard time managing it. Some haven't found the right resources to help them do so the right way. Some can't afford the right medical care to manage it as they should. Don't judge them when you see them grab a cookie and call them "noncompliant". Maybe you think they just don't care, and maybe they don't. But if they don't maybe we should ask why. Diabetics can have candy too, even safely so when done the right way with the right medicine, so don't jump to conclusions. You don't even have to question them... "Aren't you diabetic? Can you have that?" Speaking from experience here, I can assure you that Diabetics don't actually need to be reminded that they are diabetic.
Alright, enough said. I digress. Here is what I ask, with tomorrow being World Diabetes Day, I'm asking you all to wear blue in support of all those you know (or don't know) who fight the ups and downs of this disease every day. I would love to see Facebook flood with pictures of people wearing blue tomorrow!
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Sleep
If you haven't noticed by now, sleep is important to me. I love
sleep. Seriously. I hope I still get to sleep in heaven. I've always
loved sleep. I don't do well without sleep. In fact, I'm at my best when
I get a full 8-9 hours of glorious sleep. Well that doesn't work out
super well working graveyard shifts. Fortunately I also like what I do.
WELL, I should have been a Doctor. I started working at a new location with my current job. It's like a mini satellite hospital here and it happens to be much closer to home for me. Well there is always a doctor on duty at this little pediatric hospital. But guess what....they get their own dark room with a bed and a pillow! This bed is not just to lay down on during a half hour or hour break either guys... they can go in there and sleep whenever they want (as long as no patients need them at the time that is). We can call them anytime of course, but seriously the last night I worked the doctor slept at least 6 hours. I was so jealous. Nurses do not get to sleep... we have to be up and ready at all times through the night. Sometimes it's downright painful, but we endure because it's our job and somebody needs to be ready. Sick kids don't suddenly get better and not need anything during the night.
I should have been a doctor.
WELL, I should have been a Doctor. I started working at a new location with my current job. It's like a mini satellite hospital here and it happens to be much closer to home for me. Well there is always a doctor on duty at this little pediatric hospital. But guess what....they get their own dark room with a bed and a pillow! This bed is not just to lay down on during a half hour or hour break either guys... they can go in there and sleep whenever they want (as long as no patients need them at the time that is). We can call them anytime of course, but seriously the last night I worked the doctor slept at least 6 hours. I was so jealous. Nurses do not get to sleep... we have to be up and ready at all times through the night. Sometimes it's downright painful, but we endure because it's our job and somebody needs to be ready. Sick kids don't suddenly get better and not need anything during the night.
I should have been a doctor.
Spider Dreams
Anyway, so last week the man was home with us for 2 nights. I do actually love it when he is home. Well things are kind of goofy right now because my 6 year old is sleeping on a mattress on our floor so I can help her get up to go to the bathroom in the night. We are using a bed wetting alarm with her right now.
Well she was asleep and I crashed around 11:00. Suddenly I was awakened by the man around midnight:
"OH. MY. GOSH. THAT IS THE BIGGEST SPIDER I HAVE EVER SEEN!"
Me: "What? Where?"
Husband: "In that corner over there"
Me: "Well shine a light over there"
Husband: "Nevermind"- and goes back to sleep.
Daughter: "Dad your weally fweakin me out!" (she struggles saying her r's a bit)
Me: "Will you just shine a light over there?"
Daughter: "Please Dad!"
Husband: "No it's fine" - back to sleep.
Finally I shined a light over there.... Nothing. He was DREAMING and talking in his sleep.
Thanks to his wonderful sleep talking My 6 year old was up and crying for the next hour. Poor girl. No wonder why I needed a 3 hour nap yesterday.
Monday, October 6, 2014
Kids
Sometimes it feels like I'm surrounded by kids. Fortunately I kinda like them. I ONLY have 3 kids myself (as a mormon this is a pretty small amount), but I also work with kids. I've worked 4 12 hour shifts in the last 5 days, all at the pediatric hospital. When I am not at work I am with my own kids. Even at church I work with the little kids. Some kids are brats, and seriously, that is just annoying. But kids are also freaking awesome. They are hilarious. They are sweet. They are kind. They are sensitive and intuitive. They are inquisitive. They are so open to love and to learning. Really is there anything more beautiful?
My own 3 send me on roller coasters daily of wanting to lock myself in a room and hide in a closet to just loving being in their presence and enjoying the sweet moments with them. They each have a wonderful unique personality that I just love. My older two say some of the funniest things. I started writing them down in my phone last year because I think it will be fun being able to look back at some of the great things they came up with in these beautiful years of their lives. Here is what I have in my phone so far:
Kid Quotes:
5/2013
5/26/2013
6/5/13
8/9/13
9/5/2013
10/21/13
12/22/13
3/16/2014
5/15/2014
6/30/2014
8/10/14
9/2014
10/3/14
My own 3 send me on roller coasters daily of wanting to lock myself in a room and hide in a closet to just loving being in their presence and enjoying the sweet moments with them. They each have a wonderful unique personality that I just love. My older two say some of the funniest things. I started writing them down in my phone last year because I think it will be fun being able to look back at some of the great things they came up with in these beautiful years of their lives. Here is what I have in my phone so far:
Kid Quotes:
5/2013
Mom: Oakley why don't you change your Jammie's, those ones smell like pee.
Oakley: sniff "No they don't"
Mom: yeah they do, smell the bum
Oakley: "oh. Yeah they do"
Ethan: "Ew Oakley I don't want to smell your peepee butt!"
Oakley: that's okay. I'll just turn the other way
5/26/2013
Oakley "Mom, I really want a nice tiger someday"
6/5/13
Oakley as she walks into the house "Mom, the house smells like your armpit"
8/9/13
Oakley: "Mom I'm just talking to my friends on the phone. I'm in high school and just talking to my friends. One is sick."
9/5/2013
Oakley: "mom one of my sisters is a hobo. My sister has a brother named Jake and he looks like a bulldog". She was completely serious.
10/21/13
Talking with the kids about how people make their own choices, good or bad and Oakley says:
"yeah, and some people choose to speak Spanish."
I am chewing Oakley out for how messy her room is. She responds "mom, it's called organized chaos".
12/22/13
Oakley, sitting in church sniffs and says "Mom, what does Santa smell like?"
2/2014
I asked the kids what we should do for dad as a surprise when he comes home from his Skywest interview. Oakley on the way home from school gets excited and says "I know what we can get dad mom! We can buy him a new bigger gun so he can shoot the cats!"
3/16/2014
Ethan asks me "Why do moms have boobs?" I say "Well, so we can feed our babies I guess". He says "and why else? For decoration?" Me: "haha yeah that too".
5/15/2014
I asked Oakley if I looked okay in what I was wearing. She replied "oh mom you look fabulous."
She graduated from kindergarten and told me "this is the best day ever" "I can't believe I did that"
6/30/2014
After swimming all day at the Arizona Grand Resort, Ethan runs up and says "give me some water! I don't want to get diabetes!"
I believe he meant dehydrated.
8/10/14
Oakley says: "I love you mom. I just want to rip your head off and hug it."
I asked her why she wants to rip my head off as that's not very nice and she said "then it's just easier to hold and hug"
9/2014
I asked Ethan if he would put some books away for me. He said:
"Yeah I can do that. I can just put the princess book in my room so I can read it to Oakley and Summer. That's my job... To make girls happy."
10/3/14
I told the kids that grown ups don't always know everything after Oakley told me I should know her school schedule because I'm a grown up and Ethan says "Yeah Oakley, nobody knows everything. Not even Siri."
Friday, October 3, 2014
Glorious
I should explain what I do "for a living".
You might think that my dear husband has the more exciting job flying around the world-- to super exciting places-- like North Dakota. His job has it's perks indeed, but I can't say mine is dull.
I have been a RN for nearly 4 years now and I have already worked in quite a few different fields of nursing. (I have often worked 2 jobs at once as I am doing now). For the last 2 years I have worked at a very large and wonderful children's hospital in Arizona, working graveyard shifts mostly.
What do my nights entail? Well, tonight I got to scoop poop out of a diaper... with a spoon... into a cup. It's moments like this that I wonder what my life has come to and how I managed to get myself into these things. Not much later I was drawing blood off a beautiful IV. I got my perfect little sample and was placing it into the 5 tubes I needed and somehow managed to send blood flying and squirted it ALL OVER the wall. Fortunately I was able to clean up my little crime scene before my patient and his mother woke up and saw the disaster.
Crap... I couldn't make it through this blog post because I was falling asleep looking at the computer screen. Did I mention that I work graveyard shifts?
Graveyards are something special, let me tell you. Things that wouldn't normally be funny can have you laughing on the floor. One of my very favorite nurse colleagues was barking at me last night. And no, I no longer work in psych.
Although I hate what staying up all night does to my body, I have come to love graveyards in many ways. I love the people I work with. It really is a different type of people who work nights.
We spend our nights running around like crazy people from room to room as one kid will be throwing up while another is being transferred to the PICU or sitting around laughing at stupid YouTube videos for hours. You just never know what you are going to get. I guess that's what keeps things interesting.
You might think that my dear husband has the more exciting job flying around the world-- to super exciting places-- like North Dakota. His job has it's perks indeed, but I can't say mine is dull.
I have been a RN for nearly 4 years now and I have already worked in quite a few different fields of nursing. (I have often worked 2 jobs at once as I am doing now). For the last 2 years I have worked at a very large and wonderful children's hospital in Arizona, working graveyard shifts mostly.
What do my nights entail? Well, tonight I got to scoop poop out of a diaper... with a spoon... into a cup. It's moments like this that I wonder what my life has come to and how I managed to get myself into these things. Not much later I was drawing blood off a beautiful IV. I got my perfect little sample and was placing it into the 5 tubes I needed and somehow managed to send blood flying and squirted it ALL OVER the wall. Fortunately I was able to clean up my little crime scene before my patient and his mother woke up and saw the disaster.
Crap... I couldn't make it through this blog post because I was falling asleep looking at the computer screen. Did I mention that I work graveyard shifts?
Graveyards are something special, let me tell you. Things that wouldn't normally be funny can have you laughing on the floor. One of my very favorite nurse colleagues was barking at me last night. And no, I no longer work in psych.
Although I hate what staying up all night does to my body, I have come to love graveyards in many ways. I love the people I work with. It really is a different type of people who work nights.
We spend our nights running around like crazy people from room to room as one kid will be throwing up while another is being transferred to the PICU or sitting around laughing at stupid YouTube videos for hours. You just never know what you are going to get. I guess that's what keeps things interesting.
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